i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
