you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Congratulations! We have a period
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
