Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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