I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
