that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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