time to smoke my breakfast
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
