that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
