how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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