Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
