My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
