he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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