I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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