I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
