You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
