All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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