I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
