Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
