Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
