A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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