Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
