you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Randomize