a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
