so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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