having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
