I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I love you. Go after that dick
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
