i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
