so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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