My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
