Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize