you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
