After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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