i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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