I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
