Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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