rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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