i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
