He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
