Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
they need to just BURY HIM!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
