you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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