Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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