You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
