he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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