coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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