i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
