"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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