after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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