He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize