My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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