My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
