Your tits are I can't wait for
honey bunches of taint.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
