Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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