like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
