omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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