Kareoke will never be a sober sport
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Life is so much better after having sex.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
