i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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