Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
