You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
