so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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