did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize