Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
