the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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