Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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