Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
