she was so not down for the gang bang
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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