All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
