You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
